Ask the Psychologist – Rucha Vaidya

Rucha Vaidya, a Nagpur based Consulting Psychologist, clears doubts and apprehensions of the teenagers and their parents, through this column of hers at Nation Next. Rucha has worked as a child counsellor with  Centre Point School, Nagpur, for around three years. For your queries, write to Rucha at ask@wecarethemes.com/nation-next. 

I am a mother of a 14-year-old girl. Of late, I have been observing that my daughter is going through frequent mood swings and has an elevated anger. I am very worried about it and don’t know what to do. What can be the reason?

Your worries can be understood. Since your daughter is in her early adolescence and has reached her puberty, there is an increase of hormones in the body that usually leads to emotional and behavioural changes. Even slightest of our actions can annoy teenagers and make them very angry. Mood swings also occur regularly at this age . I would suggest that you read about the changes, which children go through during puberty, for a better insight into the problem. Try to be a friend to your daughter. When she is in distress, sit down with her and ask her politely about her problems. Give her suggestions and solutions, instead of getting angry and lecturing her. Don’t establish that shes completely incorrect. You could also help her by narrating some instances from your teenage days. This usually helps children relate with their parents better as they realise that their parents too have gone through same confusion and irritation as teenagers.

I am an 18-year-old boy. My friends smoke and drink. I know that this is something I don’t want to do right now but I still sometimes accompany them and indulge in such acts. Please help me, as I’m confused.

What you are facing is called peer pressure. Teenagers want to have a lot of friends and they feel that every friend is extremely important. You still have a lot of time to enjoy these indulgences; it would be advantageous for you to focus on your goal right now. It is okay to say NO? to your friends. Those who understand will still be around. This is quiet a difficult task to achieve but be strong, keep your aim in mind and act accordingly. Avoid going out with your friends when you know they are going to drink or smoke.

I am 19 years old and I have a boyfriend. I really like him. I feel uncomfortable when he tries to get close to me. How should I deal with this

Please tell your boyfriend as soon as possible that you are not ready for any intimacy. Be firm when you tell him this. Convey your apprehensions about all the things that you are not comfortable with. If he tries to understand you, he will change his behaviour.

I am a 20-year-old boy. My longstanding girlfriend has just broken up with me, and I am having a hard time forgetting her. Please guide me.

During such times, we often experience the power of emotions overtaking our rational decision-making. Make an effort to channelise your emotions into something creative like a hobby or a physical activity that will help you get relieved of your feelings towards her. Try to keep yourself busy at all times. Though all this will take a little while but with time, the surge of emotions that you are facing will settle for sure.

I am a 17-year-old boy, and I am very confused about my career choice. I am currently attending my PMT tuitions but I’m not sure if I want to be a doctor. How can you help me decide?

Check for yourself if you are interested in the subjects you have chosen. Research about the field and what all subjects you will have to study while doing your MBBS. These basic questions will give you all the required information. You could also get an aptitude test done for a clearer perspective. If possible, talk to the professionals from the same field to clear your doubts further.